Tomorrow I return to work after a 6-week sabbatical. I went out to a local coffee shop/bar that used to be my bank to spend a little time reflecting on this season. Maybe it’s appropriate that I sat down and found “God is Great, Beer is Good, People are Crazy” playing on the radio. In the end, I’m not sure I have any better wisdom to impart, I’m not sure how much I’ve gained, especially for all it has cost me–both in terms of money and in social capital. I hate to admit it, but there is no great lesson I’ve learned, my energy is not especially renewed, and I have no fresh ideas.
I’m not exactly sure what I’m feeling, other than a desire for another few months of this. I’m frustrated at the lack of “results,” whatever that might be. Am I upset that I felt robbed of time by dealing with moving to a new church and community or dealing with airline issues? Or am I just disappointed in myself? (To paraphrase another author, I have enough Baptist in me to feel guilty, even when I’m not exactly sure what I’m feeling guilty for.) Maybe it’s a little bit of all of that. I didn’t really get rid of any bad habits or adopt healthy new ones, nor did I make a turn towards what I would call flourishing, so what was it all for?
If I can extend some grace to myself, though (which I’m not often inclined to do, although I freely extend it to others, I hope), do I really need to show anything for this? Perhaps all this needed to be was what it has been: time off from work, a chance to wander and explore, to spend time with my wife and daughter, to live out one of my dreams of travel in Italy. I hiked in the Appalachians, viewing waterfalls (and even swimming in one), and spent time listening for God. I celebrated Elena’s graduation and got to take an incredible trip with her. We saw things so beautiful that I can’t even begin to describe them, ate some of the best food I’ve ever had, drank lots of good wine, hiked across Cinque Terre, and swam in the clear blue waters of the Mediterranean. We walked through castles, worshipped in ancient cathedral, and saw art everywhere we went.
So maybe what I’m feeling isn’t so much disappointment. Perhaps I just experienced so much that it’s going to take more time to fully take it all in and process it. Plus, it’s going to take even more time to integrate whatever changes may come as a result of what I’ve experienced. Like I said in one of my journal entries, this was my time for being. The results can wait. Just as a reminder, the coffee cup from which I was drinking as I wrote this was, “Every latte thing is gonna bean alright.”
Yes, it will. Thank God.
Epilogue: This blog will continue, in one way or another. I hope to get better at the design and appearance, and I certainly hope to figure out the issues with uploading images, but if you care to know a little more beyond my social media presence, I will be here. More importantly, though, I will be out there: among the trees, walking by the waters, and sipping brews (either coffee or beer) among the people at my local places. I hope you will join me.
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